As frequenters of hostels all over the world, we’ve seen a lot: from the urbane hotel-like chains towering overt the city center, to airy dorms in beach towns, to chic modern bungalows in el jungolo. From elegant private rooms overlooking gelato shops, we’re also no stranger to the ever-delightful Russian roulette of the 15-person mixed dorm. (Heck, I’ve even been sandwiched in the middle of a triple decker bunk which, apart from a guy who refused to turn off his phone and an insane French boomer, wasn’t that bad.)
But no matter the location in the world or number of occupancy, it’s oddly comforting to see the familiar types residing inside remain the same. Some can be spotted a mile away, while others require closer inspection. To make this easier for you to identify your fellow traveling compatriots, we have compiled a list of the nine types of male hostel inhabitants making up its cast of characters.
And while any given hostel may not have the below stereotypes all at once, I guarantee every hostel does indeed house at least one at any given time.
But you don’t have to take our word for it. Read and see if these gentleman resemble anything you’ve seen meandering the hostel halls before.
And now, without further ado, we give you our top picks for the shortlist:
The Nice Guy
This type is a precious peanut. Usually more shy in a crowd, but you can have a deep and meaningful conversation with him once he’s away from a group’s small talk. More often than not is geeky, though not necessarily. He is amiable and genuine, usually down for outings. He gets along with everyone, guys included.
If he does have a crush on you, he is either too polite to say or do anything in your immediate presence. If he does say something, it will be in a DM text weeks later when there is no hope of seeing you face-to-face. His confession may break the friendship, or since distance is a factor, you both may laugh it off and remain good friends.
Warning: If he offers to house you on his empty couch ‘if you ever happen to pass through’ his home town, he may see that as I sign of your reciprocated affection. If you pass accept the couch surfing offer, bring a buffer friend. Or if alone, the suggestion to watch a movie and hang out should be suspect.
First sighted: Medellin, Colombia
The Pick-Me Boy
This type makes himself known as soon as you step foot in the establishment, sometimes even before, if he happens to be loitering outside. This type is a serial loiterer, an ever-present entity that is in your dorm room, the common room, and the hostel lobby at all times of day. He is always chatting or chatting-up. Generally gets along with men, though he has no qualms ditching them when the game is afoot. Most likely highly outgoing and shameless, he will follow you into the shared kitchen and invite himself to your food. May be from Latvia. Will make un-funny jokes about you looking like girls in movies and proceed to ask you out for drinks. When you refuse, he will insist, offering you a good life in his hometown if you agree to be his wife, or minimum, his trophy girlfriend.
Last sighted: A kitchen in Malaga, Spain
The Secret Psycho
This type does not make himself known up front. Naturally charismatic, he makes fiends easily, and loves the attention. He will be fun to hang out with in groups or in private. But once he establishes his feelings or dibs on you, he will not relent his advances. You may get his drunk voicemails or texts affirming his determination to nail you, which will increase in number correlating with how many days you have left in the area.
Will invite himself to your home country, wanting to meet your family after only knowing you a week. May invite himself to your travel plans. May invite himself to your sister’s wedding. Ladies, can I just interject that while it may sound appealing to have a cute hostel boy at the party a s a plus-one, please know it can only end as some Dawson’s Creek-level disaster, so spare yourself the trouble from his self-invitations.
He may blow up your phone with messages of regret and apology for his butt-hurt behavior. Do not engage. Repeat, do not engage: as a charismatic type, he will make you think you are the crazy one for not being in love with him after a botanical garden tour. Do not give home address, he may show up unannounced in the future with preconceptions of promise.
Last sighted: Istanbul, Turkey
The Brit Abroad
This type is easily distinguished by the dead giveaway accent and constant tipsy state. Not having much interest in local culture or scenic sights, they travel to foreign locales to stay in the hostel bar. If they do go out, it will be on non-adventurous tours or to congregate in English-themed pubs and dance clubs by the waterfront. Those from Scotland and Ireland are not necessarily in this category, as being the Brit Abroad is more of a state of mind than by association.
The Pure Bloods are the most stereotypical subset of this type, the most English of the English. They do not understand how you tan in the sun without burning first; they prefer Yorkshire puddings and baked beans to any local restaurants, however recommended; they complain how other people are so sensitive and don’t understand their brand of unfunny, unclever sarcasm; most of all, they take any chance to degrade on other peoples’ politics and money systems (usually Americans and Indians, in that order) and express how superior they are with their own undying love for king and country.
Last sighted: Novalja, Croatia (and pretty much everywhere)
The Ghost
This type is not often physically seen. In fact, he leaves the hostel so early and comes back so quietly, socializing with so few that his existence is doubtful. You may find a stray snack wrapper by the foot of his bed, and occasionally the silhouette of a phone light beyond the privacy curtain. Hands down the best bunkmate you could ask for.
Last (not) sighted: London, England
The Invader
This type makes his presence known in the most obnoxious ways: using your bed as a foot ladder, not turning off his phone notifications on purpose, and/or snoring loudly without reprieve. He makes sure he does not give a flying fart about anybody’s personal space, personal details, or personality. Doesn’t turn off phone notifications, even though he’s been asked not to be rude by several bunkmates. Might wear strong cologne or have a weird smell.
Last sighted: London, England
The Golden Boy
Is practically perfect in every way: is kind without being fake, fun and funny without being forward, respects women, and is generally a confident and attractive human being.
Has a girlfriend.
Last sighted: Crete, Greece
The Creep
This type is also easily spotted from afar. Even the guys in the hostel stay away, and not even the alpha of alpha dudes wants to share a bunk in his corner unless absolutely necessary. If you see a guy with a wide berth around him, stay away. Do not befriend unless male. Females, I repeat, do not engage: He is the reason hostels have options for female-only dorm rooms (and he loves being that reason). Some situations may be dangerous with these types, so be wary and careful.
Known sighting: Oh god, where have I not seen him?
The Lifer
This type is the long-term resident. Usually has a remote job or local gig, he stays in the hostel to save on renting elsewhere. May own a business overseas. This type is not typically interested in trolling the hostel ponds for easy catches due to caring about his job, so he usually isn’t physically at the hostel. However, he is more of a presence known than the Ghost.
Subsets of the type had a business or job but quit it in order to travel for extended periods or is between work stays. This type then may be open to getting some with less of a focus on work and more of a focus on making up for lost time while working back in their life-sucking job back home. In this case, may turn into the three first types (see above).
Both know the hostel staff by name, and hang out with them in his spare time. Both know the best local restaurants.
First sighted: Bogota, Colombia